Month: February 2018

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How to Mindfully Show Your Love to Someone Who Prefers Acts of Service

When we are in love, we want our significant other to know how much they mean to us, right? We want to shower them with our affection and ensure they feel loved by us. Receiving this communication can be tricky if we speak different love languages. If a person does not know their significant others’ love language, they are more likely to show their adoration in ways that they, personally, would prefer, which may not be the same as their loved one. In these cases,  best intentions may result in ambivalence, which causes frustration and resentment.  

For example, a husband who falls into the Acts of Service bucket of The 5 Love Languages is likely going to show his love by trying to make his wife’s life easier, in his mind. He will show he loves her by washing her car, helping with tasks he thinks are difficult for her, or filling up her gas tank on a bitter winter’s day. His goal is to ease her burden when he can. While these are wonderful things, if she is someone who prefers Words of Affirmation, all of his efforts won’t mean as much as him saying, “I’m really proud of you.”

So what are we to do? First, learn which of the 5 Love Languages your partner prefers. Next, learn how to mindfully and effectively show your love in ways they will best receive them.

Here are three suggestions for showing your love to an Acts of Service person.

1. Look for Opportunities of Service
This may require a little extra thought on your end. Be mindful in your displays of affection because your reasoning for doing the service is just as important as the act itself. Think through ways that you can show your love and adoration through easy tasks. If your partner can’t seem to get out of bed early enough to make a hot breakfast before work, hand them a nutritious breakfast burrito on their way out the door. If navigating the parking garage and shuttle at the airport is taxing for them, offer to drive so they don’t have to deal with that stress. If they keep forgetting to schedule “me time” for themselves, set up a massage appointment for them. You can show your partner how much you love them by anticipating their needs and finding simple ways to make things a little easier for them.


2. Lighten Their Load
No one likes chores and we all appreciate a helping hand once in a while, however, Acts of Service people feel most loved when their special someone takes the time to mindfully consider ways to lessen their daily burdens. Think about what chores they dread doing and surprise them by completing one. Is the hall closet in total disarray? Help your partner by organizing it. If they need help running children from one practice field to the next, offer to take a shift. If cleaning the bathroom feels like the bane of their existence, take a turn. You’ll be amazed at how loved Acts of Service people feel when you mindfully consider their feelings. 

3. Be Present When Doing a Daily Routine
When couples do not share a love language, it can sometimes be frustrating thinking up new ways to help them, or show love in a way that does not feel natural to oneself. It is important to be mindful of why you are doing these tasks. Remembering to stay present as you complete a chore, a favor, or an assignment, will help to ensure you are doing so cheerfully. Your significant other does not want you to do something out of obligation, but rather, they want it to be because you made a special effort to intentionally serve them and their needs.       

If you need help mindfully considering ways to help serve your Acts of Service partner, contact us for more suggestions!

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How the 5 Love Languages Will Benefit You

Relationships are a big part of our lives. They have helped to mold and shape us into our person, over the years, influencing our preferences. We take little nuggets from the people who come in and out of our lives, storing them in our memories. For some, we cherish the lessons we have learned and mimic their behavior, approach, or language. In contrast, there are other people for whom we intentionally do the opposite of what we have witnessed or experienced of them. What we learn, along the way, helps to determine our preferences in life.

Whether we’re talking about Myers-Briggs, or another personality inventory, knowing someone’s individual preference gives us an insight into how we can best communicate with them. If you have been in the working world for any length of time, management has likely asked you to complete some kind of personality profile in hopes of figuring out how colleagues, managers, and supervisors can best work together to create a cohesive and productive environment. They want to know if you are a planner, work best under pressure, navigate the world as an extrovert or an introvert. Knowing the answers to these questions will make project management easier and more fruitful. How we approach expressions of love is very similar.

Through his sessions as a counselor, Gary Chapman determined that, often, a chief problem in relationships was that partners were inefficiently communicating their love to one another. One did not “feel” the love from the other because they were misreading their partner’s displays of affection. Based on his observations, he created five buckets that the majority of people fall into when it comes to their preference for receiving expressions of love. He calls them The 5 Love Languages. Learning to decode your partner’s love language may be a game changer in your relationship. Chapman says that couples do not always share the same love language preferences and therefore attempts to show affection fall flat.   

For a brief snapshot, The 5 Love Languages can be viewed like this:

1. Acts of Service – The act of doing something, like a favor or chore, is cherished.
2. Quality Time – Undivided attention and time spent one-on-one are most valued.
3. Physical Touch– Feeling a warm embrace, a pat on the back or another safe touch is most desired.
4. Words of Affirmation– Saying “I love you”, “I’m proud of you”, “You’re doing an incredible job” is most appreciated.
5. Receiving Gifts – Not to be confused with materialism, but little tokens of thoughtful gifts signify love and affection.

Are you intrigued? I hope so. I am so excited to share with you that, together, we will be exploring each of the five love languages in my coming blogs. I will offer you tips and suggestions for each category. To get ready, you have homework!

The Challenge: If you are not quite sure which love language you most prefer, take Dr. Chapman’s quiz to gain a better perspective. Invite your significant other, your children, or the other important people in your life to do it, as well, so you can show your love in the way that they most prefer.

For more information on understanding the five love languages and how they relate to loving yourself, contact us, today!

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Why Massage is Great for Your Heart

Listen up, folks. It’s time to talk about something very serious. Cardiovascular disease is the leading killer of both men and women in the United States. It is responsible for about 1 of every 3 deaths among Americans. As a nation, we celebrate Heart Month in February, but it is important to pay attention to signs and symptoms of heart disease throughout the year.  Our hearts are the hub of the cardiovascular system. It’s essential to keep this muscle healthy because it keeps you alive! Ladies, it is particularly important for you to pay close attention to your body because your symptoms likely don’t look the same as men’s.

It’s no secret that massage is a holistic approach to natural healing and restoring one’s body. The physical act of laying hands on a body and gently massaging the muscles will release endorphins (the feel goods) and reduce the production of cortisol (stress hormone). As this happens, your body naturally allows for more efficient blood circulation throughout your body. This is good news because the blood pumping through your heart and arteries carries essential nutrients and oxygen to the rest of your body.

Massage is known to have a calming effect on our nervous system. When the blood in your body is flowing efficiently, you are more likely to maintain a low blood pressure reading, meaning the rate in which your heart pumps is slower. Lower blood pressure decreases your risk for heart disease.

We all know the ingredients to a healthy lifestyle include a proper diet, regular exercise, and allowing time for physical and mental rest. Massage is another form of self-care that will help to connect your heart with the rest of your body. Physically, a message will do wonders for your body. But don’t forget the cognitive relief it provides as well. It promotes feelings of relaxation, peace, and well being. Additionally, it can alleviate feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression which are major players in the battle with heart disease.

It is also important to note that the many benefits of massage, like regular exercise and a healthy diet, see the best results when applied in a consistent regimen. One massage every year is not going to help ease your heart health. Many people have shared with me that they feel guilty taking the time to get a massage because it feels like a luxury and it isn’t a necessity. Massage, with all of its wonderful benefits, isn’t a luxury. It’s an act of self-love. Remember, by staying healthy, you are ensuring you are around and operating at the top of your game for all of those who depend on you.

When examining your health plan, if you find therapeutic massage may be a holistic component to your self-care strategy, contact us.     

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Do Your Injuries Make You Feel Like It’s Groundhog’s Day?

They say, time heals all wounds. When it comes to injuries, our clocks seem to move at a snail’s pace. Have you noticed when everything is working properly in your body you have a tendency to ignore those areas? It isn’t until we twist an ankle, jam a finger, or bang a knee that we think about specific body parts during our busy day. Then, we can’t seem to think about anything else, if the pain is great enough.

There are two types of injuries: acute and overuse. Acute is generally easy to identify. Overuse, on the other hand, may be a bit harder to diagnose. It’s the one that makes us crazy wondering why we are not healing as quickly as we thought. Unfortunately, in these cases, people can injure themselves little by little every day and not realize it. Whether you are a weekend warrior who keeps aggravating that old basketball injury or you are a sedentary office employee with a poor ergonomic workstation, you may be in need of a solution to get your muscles, tendons, or ligaments back on a healthy track.  

Here are three benefits of a deep tissue massage, which will help you to stop feeling like you are Groundhog-Daying yourself with repeat injuries.

#1 It Alleviates Muscle Tension
A deep tissue massage is designed to push through several layers of muscle to remove scar tissue. Like other types of massage, deep tissue massage has a specific goal. When used as part of the therapeutic program, a therapist will target specific areas of the body, which have been injured or strained, to help calm the nervous system.

#2 It Quickens Recovery Time
Massage of any kind has wonderful benefits to the cardiovascular system. A skilled therapist will carefully work the muscles (without causing further damage) to not only heal sprains or strains, but to also aid the body’s natural ability to repair itself. The increase of blood flow will rid the body of toxins, reduce sore muscles, reduce muscle fatigue, and prevent further injury.

#3 It Expands Range of Motion
Deep tissue massages also have the benefit of helping to release the stiffness that builds up in joints. With the promotion of blood flow, muscles will elongate, increasing flexibility and strengthening endurance.

If you are not sure why your injuries are not healing, it is important to seek medical advice from your provider.

To learn more about how a deep tissue massage may be right for you, contact us!