Relationships are a big part of our lives. They have helped to mold and shape us into our person, over the years, influencing our preferences. We take little nuggets from the people who come in and out of our lives, storing them in our memories. For some, we cherish the lessons we have learned and mimic their behavior, approach, or language. In contrast, there are other people for whom we intentionally do the opposite of what we have witnessed or experienced of them. What we learn, along the way, helps to determine our preferences in life.
Whether we’re talking about Myers-Briggs, or another personality inventory, knowing someone’s individual preference gives us an insight into how we can best communicate with them. If you have been in the working world for any length of time, management has likely asked you to complete some kind of personality profile in hopes of figuring out how colleagues, managers, and supervisors can best work together to create a cohesive and productive environment. They want to know if you are a planner, work best under pressure, navigate the world as an extrovert or an introvert. Knowing the answers to these questions will make project management easier and more fruitful. How we approach expressions of love is very similar.
Through his sessions as a counselor, Gary Chapman determined that, often, a chief problem in relationships was that partners were inefficiently communicating their love to one another. One did not “feel” the love from the other because they were misreading their partner’s displays of affection. Based on his observations, he created five buckets that the majority of people fall into when it comes to their preference for receiving expressions of love. He calls them The 5 Love Languages. Learning to decode your partner’s love language may be a game changer in your relationship. Chapman says that couples do not always share the same love language preferences and therefore attempts to show affection fall flat.
For a brief snapshot, The 5 Love Languages can be viewed like this:
1. Acts of Service – The act of doing something, like a favor or chore, is cherished.
2. Quality Time – Undivided attention and time spent one-on-one are most valued.
3. Physical Touch– Feeling a warm embrace, a pat on the back or another safe touch is most desired.
4. Words of Affirmation– Saying “I love you”, “I’m proud of you”, “You’re doing an incredible job” is most appreciated.
5. Receiving Gifts – Not to be confused with materialism, but little tokens of thoughtful gifts signify love and affection.
Are you intrigued? I hope so. I am so excited to share with you that, together, we will be exploring each of the five love languages in my coming blogs. I will offer you tips and suggestions for each category. To get ready, you have homework!
The Challenge: If you are not quite sure which love language you most prefer, take Dr. Chapman’s quiz to gain a better perspective. Invite your significant other, your children, or the other important people in your life to do it, as well, so you can show your love in the way that they most prefer.
For more information on understanding the five love languages and how they relate to loving yourself, contact us, today!