Month: March 2018

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What is The Most Misunderstood Love Language?

Often the most misunderstood love language in Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages is receiving gifts. Make no mistake, friends, those who prefer receiving gifts as a way to experience love should not be confused with people who are materialistic. Quite the opposite, actually. Let’s explore, together, why.

Unlike materialistic people, those who prefer to receive gifts as an expression of love are less interested in the gift itself, than they are the thought behind the gift. It doesn’t matter if the gift is wildly expensive or doesn’t cost a penny, what matters is that it was given to the person with them specifically in mind. They are just as concerned with the WHY of your gift as the actual gift. It shows that you are paying attention to their needs and desires. You could say, “I love you” all day long, but it won’t mean as much as when you give them a physical reminder that they are your number one.  

The gifts you give to your S.O. will be most appreciated if they show that you are listening to your partner. For example, if your special someone tells you they dropped and shattered their favorite coffee mug getting out of the car in the office parking lot, surprise them with new one when they arrive home from work. If your partner has a recurring injury or is in desperate need of relaxation, schedule a massage for them. Amaze them with the benefits of cupping massage! A gift certificate for one of these massages is sure to score you big points!

People who prefer receiving gifts want a tangible reminder that they are on your mind. They feel loved and cherished when you give them a physical symbol of your love and devotion.  

Things to remember for people who prefer receiving gifts as their love language:

1. Gifts do not need to be a financial investment; instead, they are an emotional one.
2. Thoughtful gifts should be tailored to your S.O.’s personality to show how well you know them and want them to be happy.

For more suggestions on how to shower your S.O. with gifts of love, contact us. Don’t forget, our wellness store has lots of goodies they will appreciate too!

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3 Mindful Tips for Words of Affirmation Lovers

When do you feel most loved by your significant other? Can you pinpoint specific times, instances, or scenes where love seems to surround you? In this blog series, we are exploring how different people respond to and feel love. Knowing which of the 5 Love Languages your partner prefers ensures that you communicate your feelings in ways that speak loudest and most effectively to your special someone.

Even as small children, we develop our preferences of how we experience love. A child shouting from the playground, “Mommy, watch me!” or “Watch what I can do, Daddy!” is likely going to be the adult who values words of affirmation from their spouse. They feel secure and loved when someone verbally compliments and praises their efforts. They thrive on encouraging words when they are feeling unsteady. It gives them renewed strength when someone they love and admire affirms their abilities.

Here are three tips on how to show your love and adoration for your words of affirmation lover.

Say it Loud, Say it Proud
1. People whose primary love language is words of affirmation treasure the verbalization of feelings for not only them but the world to hear. They find comfort in frequent positive reinforcement.  “I love you”, “I am proud of you”, “you are doing a great job” speaks directly to their heart. Tell them often how much they mean to you and how special they are in all areas of their life.

2. Take Pen to Paper (or Fingers to Screens)
Unexpected love notes in the form of text messages, post-it notes on lunches, or cards in the mail are greatly appreciated. It doesn’t have to be much, but a simple acknowledgment of love and adoration goes a long way. Whether you write them handwritten notes or send an email from work, just remind them of how incredible you think they are as often as you can.

3. Be Mindful in Your Speech
If your partner prefers you to communicate your love for them through words of affirmation, it is important to be mindful of how you speak to them. For example, non-constructive criticism can be confusing, and undue criticism can be damaging to not only your relationship but also to the person. Your S.O. appreciates gentle tones to show respect and compassion. Emotionally harsh words spoken in loud tones can cause them to feel inadequate and unloved. Be thoughtful in how you speak to them.

It is important to mindfully think about your partner. You know them best. Look for their areas of insecurity and find ways to positively reinforce them. Find verbal and written ways to lift them up not just in times of stress or sadness, but always.

For more suggestions on how to mindfully affirm a Words of Affirmation lover, contact us!

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How to Show Love to Someone Who Prefers Physical Touch

As we continue to explore Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, we come to the people who prefer physical touch as their primary way to experience love. This doesn’t mean just sexual contact, physical intimacy goes beyond that expression of love.

 

People who prefer physical touch as their primary love language feel most loved when their S.O. holds their hand, wraps them in a warm embrace after a long day apart, or guides them through a room with a gently placed hand on the small of their back. Expressions of love and intimacy are felt when partners sit closely on the couch, share a kiss, playfully squeeze, and cuddle.

It seems fairly straightforward, right? So how do you take it a step further to avoid the routine and mundane peck on the cheek? It helps to be mindful of your S.O.’s desire for physical intimacy. As with any display of affection, what matters most is that it comes from the heart.

Giving your partner a massage at home is an incredible way to show how much you love and care about them. The effects of massage are cumulative. While going to a therapist for an occasional massage has its benefits, routine massages have incredible benefits on our bodies, minds, and spirits. For example, physical touch lowers anxiety and increases oxygen saturation. If your partner cannot go to a therapist for a routine massage, give them one at home, as best you can.

Massage can help relieve the tension in your muscles after you’ve been sitting in front of a computer screen all day, shoveling snow, or tossing out junk from a spring cleaning project. Massage as regular maintenance helps muscles to stay limber and aids in avoiding spasms and sprains.

If your S.O. most prefers physical touch, you will score big points by rubbing their shoulders after a tough day at work, giving them a foot massage, or using aromatherapy to massage their stress away.  

Did you know that hands on the body have a calming effect on the nerves? It does. Try adding the stress relief blend below into your partner’s massage for added benefits.

Stress Relief Blend
4 drops Clary Sage Oil
3 drops Sandalwood Oil
3 drops Lavender Oil
5 ounces base oil

Mix all of the ingredients together and apply to skin gently.

For more suggestions on ways to show your love through physical touch, or to give a gift of massage, contact us!

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4 Helpful Hints to Winning Over Your Quality Time Lover

It should not come as a surprise that relationships flourish when the needs of both partners are met equally. A problem arises when couples attempt to meet their significant others in the middle but fall short of their mark because well-intentioned efforts go unnoticed. If you and your partner have not taken Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages quiz, you may think you are showing your love for you S.O. in all the rights ways only to find they are left unfulfilled because your attempts, while appreciated, aren’t saying “I love you” in juuust the right way.

For someone who prefers love to be communicated through Quality Time, snagging their favorite gum at the checkout line or taking out the trash isn’t a direct route to their heartstrings. What is, you ask? Giving them your undivided attention is what they need most to feel loved and secure in your relationship. Here are a couple of suggestions to make sure your time and efforts are on the right track.

Four Helpful Hints to Winning Over Your Quality Time Lover

1. Hold their eyes while you are talking.
I’m not talking about the cartoons when goofy hearts bubble up from the characters’ fluttering eyes. Quality Time lovers appreciate when you keep eye contact with them. It shows you are paying attention.

2. Resist the urge to interrupt them when they are speaking.
Often we do not realize that when we interrupt someone mid-sentence the other person may perceive it as us saying, “my thoughts are more important than yours”. Ouch.

3. Ask thoughtful questions.
If your partner is not feeling well, ask about their physical and emotional pain. Maybe they are missing an important meeting or a long-anticipated party because of an illness. As terrible as they physically feel, they may also be a little blue. Give them the opportunity to talk it out.

4. Make your time together count.
Your quality time lover is not looking for you to spend gobs of time together out of obligation or simple proximity, they want your time together to be intentional and meaningful. Schedule regular date nights. If going out to try a new restaurant every week isn’t in the cards, plan to sip wine or whiskey by a cozy fire to talk about your day instead.

The good news about being partnered up with a quality time person is that all they really want is you. They want your focused attention to talk about things that matter to the two of you. They value snuggling under a blanket watching a favorite movie or playing board games, or mapping out a garden, or going on a hike. They want a distraction-free time to share your lives together.

As you are checking in with your partner on their physical, mental, and emotional well being, it is a good idea to take your own self-assessment. Your significant other is meant to be your safe place where you can let your guard down. As the two of you are thoughtfully engaged in conversation, make it a point to intentionally listen to your own body to see what you may need. It is incredibly hard to pour out love for others when your own wellspring is neglected. Remember to care for yourself and nourish your needs or ask your S.O. to help you.

For more ideas on how to win over your quality time lover, contact us!